Poll of a Billion Monkeys

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Solve for X, Y, and Geek

Pesharim - Solve For X, Y, and Geek

Every so often I will present seemingly insoluble problems for the reader to consider and attempt to answer. You are limited in your devising of an acceptable answer only by the boundaries of your imagination, intelligence, intellect, education, and wisdom. Then again your possession of the boundaries of these things may also provide the very substance of your inability to solve these riddles. These riddles are part of a series of problems designed to train Investigators and Intel Analysts in the skills of close observation, deduction, induction, and problem solving, among other things. Enjoy, and resolve. And if you can’t resolve, then just maybe you won’t.

Problem One:

Three Geeks go to a computing conference. One is assured they have developed a new Operating System that will perfectly mimic the human brain in every way. Calling the new OS the Hierarchical Unlimited Multifunctional Assimilated Nanonetwork, or HUMAN as it is better known, this geek expects to make a very big splash in all of the trade journals and perhaps retire before the age of 100.

The second Geek suffers from nearly debilitating migraine headaches on a regular basis, and in extremely cold weather also suffers recurring asthma. It has been this way since youth, from which this particular individual has never matured.

The third Geek is an interesting case as he fancies himself both a day-trader and a marijuana aficionado but his main talent rests in the fact that he believes he knows exactly how the world works through a magical substance he keeps in his pockets called, Science. With science he knows both what is real in the world and all of these things he has never before perceived, and which it is impossible to perceive, and therefore you can naturally see what an invaluable and infallible treasure he possesses.

Now by a process of elimination the careful reader has already deduced that one of the three Geeks is probably Asian and another is more than likely a male (though one can never really be sure nowadays can one?) but that’s not the real riddle(s). Stick with me folks; we’re just getting warmed up.

On the way to the Las Vegas hotel lobby, which will host the 21st annual International Japanese Electronics Exhibit/Dungeons and Dragons Convention and Renaissance Festival, one of the geeks notices a strange odor emanating from a dark room whose door is slightly ajar in a seemingly deserted side corridor. The geek goes to investigate out of curiosity and finding it difficult to breathe because of the weird and pungently offensive odor decides to enter the room anyway. But not by the usual method. Instead the geek finds another way into, and later out of, which is a lateral reverse of the normally accepted method. Once inside what did this geek discover, and why?

The second geek observes the first peeling off but notices this only in passing. Smelling the peculiar mixture of carnival convention fast food mixed with the strongly perfumed scent of a plethora of scantily clad software booth bikini babes the geek decides to skip the preliminaries and go straight for it. On the way there the geek discovers a cleverly hidden Easter Egg suspended in the air by invisible means over the ticket booth. Observing closely the geek can see that the Easter Egg has writing laced around the length, which is possibly written in Greek, or possibly written in C++ modified by Cyrillic overtones. With a sudden start, and having finally arrived at the conclusion the geek comes to intuitively understand two separate things almost simultaneously: What are they?

The last geek gets sick at the stomach with a flu virus passed through the local chain of Taco Bell restaurants and decides to return to the hotel room to sleep it off and recuperate. While en route the geek hears a police siren and fearing the fulsome and public bust of a Las Vegas prostitute decides to duck into a back alley to escape all of the commotion. While there the geek then decides to rest upon a landing ladder before vomiting, but before that can occur an eerie ghost sweeps by holding a bright green placard which reads, in red lettering that resembles Burmese bird flu blood, “The Wend is Nigel.” Out of raw fear and a sense of uncanny disbelief the geek decides to hold off vomiting for another day and instead reaches inside a coat pocket to find an unlisted cell phone number previously used to phreak Ma Bell, a malfunctioning candy apple red ipod, and what appear to be a set of house keys to a fifth floor duplex in the abattoir section of New Jersey. Now, who is this last geek, Number 1, Number 2, or Number 3, and whose pocket did this geek reach into?

If you can solve these three separate riddles then you will also be able to deduce the following additional information: The Sexes, Ages, and probable occupations and ethnic backgrounds of each of the three geeks. In addition you may also be able to deduce the name of at least one of the Geeks.

Good luck, and I’ll see you next riddle.

© JWG, Jr. 2007


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Agamemnon said...

I've been racking my brain on this one. I do like the idea of having riddles from time to time. However I do blame Jack for the loss of an otherwise productive day.

Jack said...

I hope you enjoyed it.

As time goes along you may realize that your way of looking at and solving problems begins to change, by changing the way you look at what you are observing and the information you are processing. That is what these problems are designed to do, change the way you prcoess information. Or that's one thing they're designed to do.

I'm gonna be gone a few days so blog as much as you like. Have a good weekend and turn out the lights when you close the shop.