Poll of a Billion Monkeys

Friday, November 03, 2006

How You Too Can Know that You're a Modern Man...

Marxed - How You Too Can Know that You're a Modern Man...


1. Murder, crime, terrorism, injustice, evil, none of these things bother you very much. Words terrify you and hurt your feelings.

2. You're very sensitive to being very sensitive.

3. You think the whole world thinks like you do. Or ought to.

4. You can't understand how somebody could enjoy harming, raping, torturing, and dismembering others. So you don't believe it really happens.

5. You get all of your news either from Internet message boards, from comedy shows on cable channels, from late night talk shows, from syndicated cartoons, or all of these things. You think anything that is popular must be right and true. You'd rather be popular than right any day and odds are very good that you are.

6. You think democracy is the greatest form of government ever invented. You also don't really know what form of government your own nation practices. The only Republic you've ever heard of was in Star Wars.

7. You think modern art is genius incarnate.

8. You don't know what lines of longitude and latitude are. Or what they are used for.

9. If you've seen a few shows on the Discovery Channel you think you have a certain expertise on a particular subject. You also admire "experts."

10. You know more about actors and actresses than you do about physics, chemistry, biology, religion, or history. Your politics are formed by after school rallies and "MTV Get out the Vote" campaigns. You think "Rap It Up" is brilliant social commentary and even better social policy.

11. You've never been fishing, hiking, camping, shooting, or snipe hunting. You don't know what a snipe is.

12. If a group of ten people all agree on a subject then you naturally assume they must be right. It's very important to you that everyone agree. To you every opinion is equally valid.

13. You were educated at public expense and it's never occurred to you to question what that means. You have a huge library of fiction with no books of non-fiction. Aside from school textbooks you've never read a book of non-fiction.

14. You expect to spend your way to wealth. And health.

15. Your idea of toughness is going without pizza for the weekend.

16. Your experience of the real world is limited to your film and video game library, and the movies you have seen.

17. Your most important concern in life, and your biggest responsibility, is your own entertainment. Your wardrobe is more important to you than your character. You don't know what I mean when I say the word "character." You automatically assume I'm speaking about a fictional or fantasy character.

18. Other people are more concerned about getting your vote than your ideas. For obvious reasons.

19. You've never endured anything worse than a hangnail, or a verbal insult from someone on-line (which crushed your ego like a brik-a-brak). You wear more make-up and jewelry than the average female and can't see anything strange about that.

20. You don't yet understand what a Sissy Mary you are. Or why you can't imagine living anywhere except in a big city.

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