Poll of a Billion Monkeys

Friday, September 29, 2006

Marxed - Same Species Marriage, or Marriage in Ole Virginee...

Marxed - Same Species Marriage, or Marriage in Ole Virginee...


April 11, 2006

A new Constitutional amendment in Virginia is raising some eyebrows and concerns in the Commonwealth. The amendment, designed to protect the status of marriage as being between a man and a woman begins innocently enough by stating, "That only a union between one man and one woman may be a marriage valid in or recognized by this Commonwealth and its political subdivisions."

However the amendment continues much further by declaring,"No union between any sort of animal, such as raccoons, possums or beavers, even if such animals be considered mammals, and a man or woman shall be considered a valid and legally binding marriage contract. Nor shall the legislature ever in the future make any new laws which will sanction the union between a man or woman and any animal, including household pets or sea-food. Furthermore no union between blood related first cousins shall be considered legally binding or valid, nor shall such unions, regardless of the number of first cousins involved be considered as enjoying the legal status of true marriage in the state of Virginia."

Several demonstrations have been scheduled state-wide for Saturday, April the 15th to protest the so called "Cousin-Clause" and to force changes to the amendment which would strike that language as unfair and unworkable.

A study by the think-tank Virginia is for #@*^ers has already estimated that if the amendment were to pass as currently written that repopulation rates in the state would plummet.

Update: Same Species Marriage Amendment narrowly defeated in state wide referendum after intervention by Governor.

State Senate declares Virginia "Species Free Zone." For now.

Possums, Coons, Beavers, Bloodhounds, and native American wildlife still considered "fair game" in the dating pool.

New move in State Senate to outlaw "domestic partnerships" between native born Virginian citizens and their seafood. Measure under intense debate.

Amendment to outlaw marriage between imported wildlife, such as lions, tigers, and polar bears, still viable.

I'll keep you updated on this one folks.

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