Poll of a Billion Monkeys

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

The Glair Marxed - Dems Dat Got Dumped

The Glair Marxed - Dems Dat Got Dumped

Big Name Democrats Lose in Primaries

By Jason Wilson Garret for Foxx News

Last updated: 12:22 PM
Tuesday, August 7, 2006

Last night, in a stunning Democratic primary election Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney was defeated by her opponent and former county councilman Hank Johnson. McKinney explained her astounding defeat of nearly twenty percentage points in the following way. “It’s a hard road to have to drive when you’re pregnant and behind the wheel of a thirteen wheeler smoking pot and being hassled by ‘the Man.’ The man don’t care ‘bout yu. The man just don’t care.”

She went on to say, shaking her head and occasionally breaking into impromptu personally altered versions of old Negro spirituals, “Electronic voting machines are a dangermint to our democracy. Electronic voting machines don’t care ‘bout yu. They just don’t care. It’s a hard road to hav’ta drive when you’re pregnant and stoned and trying to vote on one a dem machines. Electronics is da white devil’s work people, what do my peeps know ‘bout white devil stuff? I couldn’t do it and I was edumacated in public. In public y’all!! Do yu know what I’m sayin sistahs?! Rise up and say, ‘No More! I ain’t voting electronical no mo! No mo I says! No mo!’”

“And let me just say dis here ‘bout da media. Da media don’t care ‘bout yu! Uh-uh, no, no mo media! Media’s dun what put me here and now! Dat ain’t right, no mam, dat ain’t right! And my opponent! Dat Negro has a job! What kinda black man has a job? Damn, this thang has conspiracy written all over it, all over it! I’m calling for an investigation and declaring voter fraud. No way my constituents would vote for a black man wit a job! They ain’t sell-outs!”

Asked by a female reporter if she felt she could have done anything differently that might have affected the election more positively in her favor Ms. McKinney shook her fist at the sky and shot back, “Woman, is yu crazy? See, dis is why nobody likes a white woman folks. Everybody dun knowed dis ain’t none a my fault! It’s a Kabul between da media, electronic voting machines taking over our lives like in Terminator, an uppity Negro Uncle Tom, and Da Man! It always come down to da Man! Yu think anybody cares about me? Well, do ya? No way, but I tell ya this anyways, ‘I am somebody! I am SOMEBODY!!’”

In related news anti-war candidate Ned Lamont defeated Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman for the top Democratic candidate spot in that state. Lamont promised, if elected, to immediately abandon the War in Iraq, declare an immediate cease-fire in the War on Terrorism, pretend it’s the 1960’s all over again, and if necessary to secede from the Union. Lamont is supported by a consortium of powerful Democratic Party interests such as MoveOn.Org, the Pink-Pink Brigade, America is What’s wrong with the World, the New International College Campus Hippy Squad, Californians for Castro, Wrap-it-Up, and the Al Gore-ELF Coalition for Change.

End Story.

© JWG 2006

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