Poll of a Billion Monkeys

Monday, July 17, 2006

Marxed - President Bush's Disgraceful Remarks

Marxed - President Bush's Disgraceful Remarks

Microphone Picks Up Bush's Yiddish Schmazzel Among World Leaders

Monday, July 17, 2006
Dissociated Press

ST. PETERSBURG, RUSSIA — In a private conversation President Bush is overheard giving the shim-schnizzle to Iran.

In what some consider to be a very important demonstration of the frustrations surrounding the conflict in the Middle East President Bush was overheard to escalate the level of bellicose rhetoric concerning Iranian involvement in Lebanon. While at the G-8 summit President Bush made impromptu and causal remarks to his closest ally, Prime Minister Tony Blair of Great Britain. Apparently President Bush was asked by the Prime Minister how he thought the situation with Iran might be most effectively handled should negotiations with the Iranian regime fail.

President Bush responded by remarking in what he thought to be entirely private comments, "Those #^*!@<*& stupid, smelly $@^* &$##$@*& need a good smacking right in their big nosed, hairy @&&. Why if we had some *#@!#*& like that in Texas then me and the boys would get us a rope and tie that &%$#*@! %$#*$& down and kick his *&$##$*@ @&& till his nose bled. Then I'd take my %&*@ and drive it so far up his #&*@ that he couldn't even smell a horse's @$$ when it sat on his face to take a $&*#! Tony, I swear to God, I hope before my second term is up that I can ride right down the middle of main street in Tehran and deliver a personal #$^&*!+ to those little Iranian +#@*& and tell em, 'Here's your &%$#*@! %$#*$& *&$##$*@ nuclear weapon and I'm hand delivering it to your Shiite @&&! How ya like me now!' Whatcha think a that Tony?"

To which, according to lip readers at the scene, the Prime Minister of Great Britain replied, "I like where you're going with this Mr. President. Can I come along too?"

Bush was also later heard to remark at the summit, "&@#$, some of these @&&holes talk a long time!"

In related news the French ambassador decried Israeli strikes in Lebanon saying that Israel must show more restraint. "It is an affront to French efforts at geo-political peacemaking everywhere that Israel would launch such a strong military response when it is well known that France is entirely incapable of winning any conflict, even with ourselves. Therefore we think it best for Israel to show more and more and more restraint so as to better emulate us. Had Hamas and Hezbollah attacked us in this manner we would have surrendered prior to the outbreak of hostilities and negotiated our way down from there."

Much of Europe has echoed French resolve in this matter. However Germany is said to be contemplating the secret rebuilding of her munitions factories and the development of a new military strike force called the Merkle's Monsters. This would be the first real display of national German manhood and military force in over 50 years and would be led and overseen by Germany's new female Chancellor.

Within the region Arab League members have called for the immediate withdrawal of Israeli troops and for a cessation of air attacks against Lebanon as soon as the Israelis have finished liquidating Hezbollah. Said a spokesman for the ruling Saudi Family, "Saudi Arabia doesn't care much for the Jews or the State of Israel but it won't break our hearts any if Israel pops a cap or two in Iran's &%$#*@! @&amp;&. Dem mutha $^#*@"& be crazy!!"

Finally in what could be a significant turning point in the escalating conflict in the Middle East the General Secretary of the UN has called for an immediate emergency session to consider the possibility of potential future consultations on the likelihood of developing the proper language for the ultimate consideration of an entirely ineffective and castrated peacekeeping force to be sent to the area. Responding to that looming improbability the Israeli Prime Minister said curtly, "No thanks, we're trying to win this war."

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