America,
late to every war that will ever matter, and determined to lose every war that
will ever count…
Showing posts with label United States. Show all posts
Showing posts with label United States. Show all posts
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Speaker Pelosi and The Proud American Tradition of Retreat and Surrender
The Exchange - Speaker Pelosi and The Proud American Tradition of Retreat and Surrender
By Justin Wade Galahad
For The Missive
November 16, 2006
4:45 EST
The United States of America has a very long and proud tradition of retreat and surrender when faced with difficult and challenging situations. From our very earliest experiences the idea of retreat and surrender has been deeply engrained in American custom and culture. It is a part of our character, the nature of our people.
One need only look back in time to formative events like the American Revolution, when the Colonial Forces buckled under the tremendous strain of war against what was then the mightiest Empire on earth. The lack of supplies and proper housing, the constant frostbite, the tattered clothes, shortages of ammunition, the inexperienced and under-trained units, the hardships of starvation, and the rationing of basic goods, all were far too much for both her military and her citizens to endure. How could anyone expect Americans to rise under those conditions, to continue forward and persevere, to triumph against such overwhelming odds? The logical thing to do of course was capitulate. And so we did, at the first available opportunity.
The War of 1812 is another sterling example of American Victory by Abandonment. Because we were wise enough and had enough foresight to realize that expansion Westward was a grave mistake we abandoned any further attempt to move West and were furthermore quite satisfied to allow the British to burn our Capital. A great nation always admits any mistake it might have made in the past and bows out gracefully before the situation comes too close to any actual triumph. One can never be sure that if one continues forward that victory will result, but one can always be assured that victory can be grasped by surrender. Leadership is after all the art of knowing when to know that you don’t really want to try anymore.
The Civil War was another catastrophic and vicious war fought for no good reason. Fighting to preserve the Union and to eventually extend the blessings of liberty to all Americans were simply not sufficient reasons to excuse the losses and cost in blood and treasure. No same or rational person could possibly say that it was. That war, which relieved so many Americans of their lives was a senseless, brutal, pointless and by today’s standards a totally unreasonable and unnecessary war. So America did the right thing, the only thing that made any sense, we simply stopped fighting. Pulled our troops out. Negotiated the end of the conflict before anything could be permanently, and perhaps even disastrously, resolved. Why would any sensible nation do otherwise?
The First and Second World Wars were horrible tragedies. Not worth our time. Once casualties began to mount it quickly became obvious to all that the only way to win was to lose. Admit your mistakes. Sure, some argued changing tactics, but why bother? It really wasn’t our set of wars and it doesn’t matter what happens in the rest of the world. The rest of the world is for the rest of the world to lose, we have enough problems losing well right here at home.
Korea was a joke. The Chinese? Who wants to fight a billion Chinese? It is literally impossible to imagine any scenario in which the Korean War could have turned out to the benefit of anyone. Little slant-eyed yellow people, who cares about them? If they really wanted to be free then they would have done all of the fighting themselves and would have done it like we did, by retreat and submission. You almost always gain more by giving up than going on. Any shrink will tell you that.
Vietnam. We all know of what a tremendously successful war we had there, when we finally learned to let go and love the Tet. Vietnam stands as a shining example throughout all of human history of how to lose a war the right way, so that everyone prospers as a result. And we all know everyone did.
The Cold War. Thank God no one took that seriously. Over forty years of protracted conflict, competition, and war by proxy? Who wants that? We gave up early and we gave up often. You can’t win the freedom of a world by constantly exciting tensions and demanding that people everywhere be free. Be realistic, won’t you? The only Good War is a Lost War.
And now we find ourselves yet again embroiled in War, the War on Terrorism, in Afghanistan, and Iraq. Let’s start from the beginning. All Muslims are constitutionally incapable of desiring liberty. Now that we have that rough truth out in the public for open examination, let’s follow it up with an even more logical axiom. You win immediately, or you don’t win at all. If you can’t solve everything within the first forty-eight hours, like they do on television, then you’re in the wrong business. Best get out.
Three and a half years. Coming up on four. Three years and counting and what do the Iraqis have to show for themselves? They haven’t won a thing yet. Which means of course that they have lost more than they have won. Three years is an awfully long time in the modern world to have gone without fixing your most pressing problems, and defeating your most dreadful and persistent enemies. Suppose America had fought the Nazis that long, the British that long, the Soviets that long? Suppose it had taken three and a half (or even more years) to fix Social Security or to provide Universal Healthcare?
No, this situation is obviously ridiculous. Men are dying, women are dying, and children are dying. And it is the fault of the Americans. It is our fault. And the fault of the vast majority of Iraqis. The one group who cannot be blamed however is the enemy. The enemy is Muslim; they don’t understand these things, don’t perceive the wisdom and enlightened benefits of surrender and retreat like more hardy and civilized peoples. If the Iraqis were more like us, like real Americans, then this would have been over long ago in an early capitulation. As it is, alas, I’m afraid the Iraqis won’t really come to understand the full benefits of surrender, abandonment, and retreat as we do, until it is far, far too late. Thank God we do have that kind of foresight, that kind of wisdom, that kind of a Can’t-Do American Spirit. It’s the way we were made, from our very inception. Our Grandfathers were quitters, their grandfathers were quitters, and their grandfathers were quitters as well. Changing now would only be like changing jackasses in the middle of the Rodeo. And our jackasses are doing just fine, thank you very much. The Iraqis could learn a thing or two from the fine example of our American leadership. You don’t need freedom when you can have higher taxes, more unemployment, and Nationalized Healthcare.
So I say, “Thank you Speaker-to-Be Pelosi.” Sometimes it takes a special kind of female to remind men everywhere of just how much of a woman they can really be too, if they just try hard enough. And thank you liberal Democrats and American liberals everywhere. You have reminded us all of the very finest traditions of American Sacrifice Sealed with Honorable Retreat, and of how to achieve Victory through Abandonment without even trying. You make me want to leap to my feet and sing the French National Anthem even as I write these words. Deep, deep, down in your little hearts, you must want to as well.
Congratulations. You’ve finally made Europeans of Americans.
Now we can all sleep much easier at night, safe in the knowledge that you helm the Ship.
© JWG, Jr. 2006
By Justin Wade Galahad
For The Missive
November 16, 2006
4:45 EST
The United States of America has a very long and proud tradition of retreat and surrender when faced with difficult and challenging situations. From our very earliest experiences the idea of retreat and surrender has been deeply engrained in American custom and culture. It is a part of our character, the nature of our people.
One need only look back in time to formative events like the American Revolution, when the Colonial Forces buckled under the tremendous strain of war against what was then the mightiest Empire on earth. The lack of supplies and proper housing, the constant frostbite, the tattered clothes, shortages of ammunition, the inexperienced and under-trained units, the hardships of starvation, and the rationing of basic goods, all were far too much for both her military and her citizens to endure. How could anyone expect Americans to rise under those conditions, to continue forward and persevere, to triumph against such overwhelming odds? The logical thing to do of course was capitulate. And so we did, at the first available opportunity.
The War of 1812 is another sterling example of American Victory by Abandonment. Because we were wise enough and had enough foresight to realize that expansion Westward was a grave mistake we abandoned any further attempt to move West and were furthermore quite satisfied to allow the British to burn our Capital. A great nation always admits any mistake it might have made in the past and bows out gracefully before the situation comes too close to any actual triumph. One can never be sure that if one continues forward that victory will result, but one can always be assured that victory can be grasped by surrender. Leadership is after all the art of knowing when to know that you don’t really want to try anymore.
The Civil War was another catastrophic and vicious war fought for no good reason. Fighting to preserve the Union and to eventually extend the blessings of liberty to all Americans were simply not sufficient reasons to excuse the losses and cost in blood and treasure. No same or rational person could possibly say that it was. That war, which relieved so many Americans of their lives was a senseless, brutal, pointless and by today’s standards a totally unreasonable and unnecessary war. So America did the right thing, the only thing that made any sense, we simply stopped fighting. Pulled our troops out. Negotiated the end of the conflict before anything could be permanently, and perhaps even disastrously, resolved. Why would any sensible nation do otherwise?
The First and Second World Wars were horrible tragedies. Not worth our time. Once casualties began to mount it quickly became obvious to all that the only way to win was to lose. Admit your mistakes. Sure, some argued changing tactics, but why bother? It really wasn’t our set of wars and it doesn’t matter what happens in the rest of the world. The rest of the world is for the rest of the world to lose, we have enough problems losing well right here at home.
Korea was a joke. The Chinese? Who wants to fight a billion Chinese? It is literally impossible to imagine any scenario in which the Korean War could have turned out to the benefit of anyone. Little slant-eyed yellow people, who cares about them? If they really wanted to be free then they would have done all of the fighting themselves and would have done it like we did, by retreat and submission. You almost always gain more by giving up than going on. Any shrink will tell you that.
Vietnam. We all know of what a tremendously successful war we had there, when we finally learned to let go and love the Tet. Vietnam stands as a shining example throughout all of human history of how to lose a war the right way, so that everyone prospers as a result. And we all know everyone did.
The Cold War. Thank God no one took that seriously. Over forty years of protracted conflict, competition, and war by proxy? Who wants that? We gave up early and we gave up often. You can’t win the freedom of a world by constantly exciting tensions and demanding that people everywhere be free. Be realistic, won’t you? The only Good War is a Lost War.
And now we find ourselves yet again embroiled in War, the War on Terrorism, in Afghanistan, and Iraq. Let’s start from the beginning. All Muslims are constitutionally incapable of desiring liberty. Now that we have that rough truth out in the public for open examination, let’s follow it up with an even more logical axiom. You win immediately, or you don’t win at all. If you can’t solve everything within the first forty-eight hours, like they do on television, then you’re in the wrong business. Best get out.
Three and a half years. Coming up on four. Three years and counting and what do the Iraqis have to show for themselves? They haven’t won a thing yet. Which means of course that they have lost more than they have won. Three years is an awfully long time in the modern world to have gone without fixing your most pressing problems, and defeating your most dreadful and persistent enemies. Suppose America had fought the Nazis that long, the British that long, the Soviets that long? Suppose it had taken three and a half (or even more years) to fix Social Security or to provide Universal Healthcare?
No, this situation is obviously ridiculous. Men are dying, women are dying, and children are dying. And it is the fault of the Americans. It is our fault. And the fault of the vast majority of Iraqis. The one group who cannot be blamed however is the enemy. The enemy is Muslim; they don’t understand these things, don’t perceive the wisdom and enlightened benefits of surrender and retreat like more hardy and civilized peoples. If the Iraqis were more like us, like real Americans, then this would have been over long ago in an early capitulation. As it is, alas, I’m afraid the Iraqis won’t really come to understand the full benefits of surrender, abandonment, and retreat as we do, until it is far, far too late. Thank God we do have that kind of foresight, that kind of wisdom, that kind of a Can’t-Do American Spirit. It’s the way we were made, from our very inception. Our Grandfathers were quitters, their grandfathers were quitters, and their grandfathers were quitters as well. Changing now would only be like changing jackasses in the middle of the Rodeo. And our jackasses are doing just fine, thank you very much. The Iraqis could learn a thing or two from the fine example of our American leadership. You don’t need freedom when you can have higher taxes, more unemployment, and Nationalized Healthcare.
So I say, “Thank you Speaker-to-Be Pelosi.” Sometimes it takes a special kind of female to remind men everywhere of just how much of a woman they can really be too, if they just try hard enough. And thank you liberal Democrats and American liberals everywhere. You have reminded us all of the very finest traditions of American Sacrifice Sealed with Honorable Retreat, and of how to achieve Victory through Abandonment without even trying. You make me want to leap to my feet and sing the French National Anthem even as I write these words. Deep, deep, down in your little hearts, you must want to as well.
Congratulations. You’ve finally made Europeans of Americans.
Now we can all sleep much easier at night, safe in the knowledge that you helm the Ship.
© JWG, Jr. 2006
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Veteran's Day
Signal, Sygnet, and Sigil - Veteran's Day
I wish to thank all of those Veterans in service around the world a Happy Veteran's Day.
Stay safe, I am honored by your service, and wish to express my appreciation.
I know your job is exhausting, dirty, lonely, dangerous, self-sacrificial, and often thankless.
I wrote this poem to commemorate our freeing of Iraq, but I think it also expresses my appreciation of the continued service of US Veterans around the world, no matter where you are stationed, in which branch your serve, or in what theatre you might currently be operating.
Godspeed and I'll be praying for you my friends.
And for those who are serving alongside US troops as our allies, I wish to express my appreciation for your service alongside our American troops. Thank you and God bless you as well.
Jack.
CRADLE OF CONSECRATION
In memoria of our citizen soldiers and their liberation of Iraq, 2003
“Vehimur in altum”
When Men in loyal service bound
Die to ends far greater than themselves
A sort of Resurrection rises with their
Silent Ghosts to speak of Ancient Memory,
And when far better to the ear
This Honor married to the Just
Is crowned with Noble Good Intent
Then Memory has rediscovered kin
With Providence on Earth.
For many times have men taken sword
To cut apart and wound the truth
And many times the gilded spear
Has pierced through rib to injure hearts,
Rarer though, the noble soldier, to defense
Has stood transfixed upon the sands
To raise up mercied innocence
Where before but gore has washed the hands.
The Captains of a Newer World
With fresher banners in the wind
Have led a truer army forth
With force of arms all borne by men,
For citizens across the seas
From town and village, cities tall
Heard duty in these dire events
To acquit themselves not one but all.
So boy to man and man to wise
So lass to woman soon became
What their nation spoke of uppermost
A Legion of the True and Brave.
Let cynics boast and ill-declare
That death was never conquered there
That evidence has fled the field
Because small men in memories short do live
And life is slight that counts all lost,
Such men would never pay such cost.
A Larger Guard does post the Gates
When Victory and Justice meld
Eternal Ghosts do watch the ways
When nobility gives glory to the day,
A Memory from more Ancient Times
May resurrect some future night
When darkness clouds the summer sun
And knights from old must rise to fight.
A desert is a hot deathbed
A hard and desperate place to rest
But then again they never sleep
Who rise from death well o’er again
For Truth and Justice peace to keep.
Our Memories may wax and wane
Or sleep in graves, or fade in mind
But noble are our soldiers made
I wish to thank all of those Veterans in service around the world a Happy Veteran's Day.
Stay safe, I am honored by your service, and wish to express my appreciation.
I know your job is exhausting, dirty, lonely, dangerous, self-sacrificial, and often thankless.
I wrote this poem to commemorate our freeing of Iraq, but I think it also expresses my appreciation of the continued service of US Veterans around the world, no matter where you are stationed, in which branch your serve, or in what theatre you might currently be operating.
Godspeed and I'll be praying for you my friends.
And for those who are serving alongside US troops as our allies, I wish to express my appreciation for your service alongside our American troops. Thank you and God bless you as well.
Jack.
CRADLE OF CONSECRATION
In memoria of our citizen soldiers and their liberation of Iraq, 2003
“Vehimur in altum”
When Men in loyal service bound
Die to ends far greater than themselves
A sort of Resurrection rises with their
Silent Ghosts to speak of Ancient Memory,
And when far better to the ear
This Honor married to the Just
Is crowned with Noble Good Intent
Then Memory has rediscovered kin
With Providence on Earth.
For many times have men taken sword
To cut apart and wound the truth
And many times the gilded spear
Has pierced through rib to injure hearts,
Rarer though, the noble soldier, to defense
Has stood transfixed upon the sands
To raise up mercied innocence
Where before but gore has washed the hands.
The Captains of a Newer World
With fresher banners in the wind
Have led a truer army forth
With force of arms all borne by men,
For citizens across the seas
From town and village, cities tall
Heard duty in these dire events
To acquit themselves not one but all.
So boy to man and man to wise
So lass to woman soon became
What their nation spoke of uppermost
A Legion of the True and Brave.
Let cynics boast and ill-declare
That death was never conquered there
That evidence has fled the field
Because small men in memories short do live
And life is slight that counts all lost,
Such men would never pay such cost.
A Larger Guard does post the Gates
When Victory and Justice meld
Eternal Ghosts do watch the ways
When nobility gives glory to the day,
A Memory from more Ancient Times
May resurrect some future night
When darkness clouds the summer sun
And knights from old must rise to fight.
A desert is a hot deathbed
A hard and desperate place to rest
But then again they never sleep
Who rise from death well o’er again
For Truth and Justice peace to keep.
Our Memories may wax and wane
Or sleep in graves, or fade in mind
But noble are our soldiers made
And so shall never fade from mine.
Friday, October 20, 2006
The B Reader in Preparation
Pesharim - The B Reader in Preparation
Related Links:
The B-Reader
A Global Network
Shadows on a Moonless Midnight
Over the past month or so I have been developing materials and content for the new Blog I intend to launch dealing with military, intelligence, investigative, law enforcement, political, cultural, religious, and international matters.
This new blog will be entitled the "B Reader" and should be up and running by the end of December, if no problems are encountered. At this point I expect no problems.
The articles I intend to write so far include the following subjects (but I have not yet decided upon the exact titles):
New SWAT Tactics - Why the police must consider hostage takers as domestic terrorists and why new tactics and infiltration/kill teams must be developed to liquidate, not capture, such suspects at the earliest possible moment. (This will be my first article).
Eastern Europe - Why Eastern Europe needs a combined, single, intelligence sharing organization to coordinate Intelligence gathered from Asia, Europe and Africa. Why Eastern Europe cannot depend upon Western Europe for either defense or intelligence sharing, and why Eastern Europe needs stronger economic, political, cultural, military and financial ties to the US, and why the US needs stronger ties to Eastern Europe.
The Cell Wars: How the New War is not really just a War on Terrorism, but is also a War on International Entities, Corporate Individuals, Rogue Regimes, and International Criminal Cartels - Why ICCs are really smuggling, trafficking, border penetration and logistical support organizations for terrorist groups, how criminal gangs and terrorist cell activity overlaps, and how to use such alliances to infiltrate both organizations.
American Misunderestimation - Why the Military and Law Enforcement still does not work effectively in cooperation, and how to create support teams and liaison agents to operate in the organizations of both.
The Employment of the Amateur Line - How to effectively employ private citizens and individuals, as well as private small group organizations and PIINs in the Cell Wars.
PIIN - Private Intelligence and Investigative Networks - Continuing and completing the paper I started elsewhere.
Vadding and Infiltration - Turning a private and individual pursuit of exploration and infiltration into a personal and team effort to assist the authorities in suppressing crime and fighting terrorism.
Propaganda and Strategic Psychological Operations - Why we are failing, and possible corrective actions.
My Analysis of the Litvineneko Case: Post Mortem - An analysis of likely suspects and motivations regarding the assassination of Litvinenko and the effect his assassination is likely to have on national, institutional, organizational, and private intelligence networks.
The Renaissance Soldier - How to develop a new generation of Renaissance Special Forces Teams, as well as incorporating a wider range of highly capable, multi-functional Renaissance and Special Forces Skill Capacities in the standard development of normal troop units and individual soldiers.
The Renaissance Lawman - How to develop and train a new generation of modern lawmen with a wide range of inherent capabilities such as intelligence gathering, intelligence analysis, infiltration, counter-terrorism, etc. to support their already existing law enforcement, forensic and investigative/detective capacities.
I hope some of my readers will consider writing papers, articles, commentary or criticism or your own for inclusion in the blog or will even consider becoming occasional or regular contributors. Both professionals and amateurs are welcome to read, comment, and contribute.
If interested contact me by email or leave a comment on this blog.
Jack.
I'm taking ideas, comments, suggestions, and recommendations on whether I should
make the B-Reader an entirely
separate blog, or whether I should incorporate it within the body of the Missal.
If you
have an opinion as to whether it should be a separate Blog or simply be
incorporated into it's own section of the Missal then let me know.
Related Links:
The B-Reader
A Global Network
Shadows on a Moonless Midnight
Over the past month or so I have been developing materials and content for the new Blog I intend to launch dealing with military, intelligence, investigative, law enforcement, political, cultural, religious, and international matters.
This new blog will be entitled the "B Reader" and should be up and running by the end of December, if no problems are encountered. At this point I expect no problems.
The articles I intend to write so far include the following subjects (but I have not yet decided upon the exact titles):
New SWAT Tactics - Why the police must consider hostage takers as domestic terrorists and why new tactics and infiltration/kill teams must be developed to liquidate, not capture, such suspects at the earliest possible moment. (This will be my first article).
Eastern Europe - Why Eastern Europe needs a combined, single, intelligence sharing organization to coordinate Intelligence gathered from Asia, Europe and Africa. Why Eastern Europe cannot depend upon Western Europe for either defense or intelligence sharing, and why Eastern Europe needs stronger economic, political, cultural, military and financial ties to the US, and why the US needs stronger ties to Eastern Europe.
The Cell Wars: How the New War is not really just a War on Terrorism, but is also a War on International Entities, Corporate Individuals, Rogue Regimes, and International Criminal Cartels - Why ICCs are really smuggling, trafficking, border penetration and logistical support organizations for terrorist groups, how criminal gangs and terrorist cell activity overlaps, and how to use such alliances to infiltrate both organizations.
American Misunderestimation - Why the Military and Law Enforcement still does not work effectively in cooperation, and how to create support teams and liaison agents to operate in the organizations of both.
The Employment of the Amateur Line - How to effectively employ private citizens and individuals, as well as private small group organizations and PIINs in the Cell Wars.
PIIN - Private Intelligence and Investigative Networks - Continuing and completing the paper I started elsewhere.
Vadding and Infiltration - Turning a private and individual pursuit of exploration and infiltration into a personal and team effort to assist the authorities in suppressing crime and fighting terrorism.
Propaganda and Strategic Psychological Operations - Why we are failing, and possible corrective actions.
My Analysis of the Litvineneko Case: Post Mortem - An analysis of likely suspects and motivations regarding the assassination of Litvinenko and the effect his assassination is likely to have on national, institutional, organizational, and private intelligence networks.
The Renaissance Soldier - How to develop a new generation of Renaissance Special Forces Teams, as well as incorporating a wider range of highly capable, multi-functional Renaissance and Special Forces Skill Capacities in the standard development of normal troop units and individual soldiers.
The Renaissance Lawman - How to develop and train a new generation of modern lawmen with a wide range of inherent capabilities such as intelligence gathering, intelligence analysis, infiltration, counter-terrorism, etc. to support their already existing law enforcement, forensic and investigative/detective capacities.
I hope some of my readers will consider writing papers, articles, commentary or criticism or your own for inclusion in the blog or will even consider becoming occasional or regular contributors. Both professionals and amateurs are welcome to read, comment, and contribute.
If interested contact me by email or leave a comment on this blog.
Jack.
Monday, October 09, 2006
THE GLAIR - NORTH KOREA EXPLODES LIKELY NUCLEAR WEAPON
THE GLAIR - NORTH KOREA EXPLODES LIKELY NUCLEAR WEAPON
Jarod William Graham
For Missive News
Last updated: 7:05 AM
Monday, October 9, 2006
Late last night intelligence officials in Washington were warned by observational satellites and reconnaissance aircraft that it was possible, or even likely, that North Korea had tested and exploded a low-yield nuclear weapon. Such a weapon, if it were indeed nuclear in nature, would pose a grave threat to US security interests around the globe and could potentially threaten traditional US Allies such as Europe, Japan, Taiwan, Australia, and South Korea. In addition should the North Korean regime be able to export such nuclear technology then even North Korea’s traditional allies such as China and Russia could face the threat of nuclear blackmail from a rogue group, a terrorist agent, a potential coup attempt, or even an organized criminal group bent on extortion or financial gain.
Because of these dangerous and dire possibilities even nations normally seen as hostile to the United States or at least extremely competitive towards US interests have begun to unite with Washington for their own good to mobilize against the dark and looming threat of a nuclear North Korea. The idea of a nuclear armed North Korea which in addition has deployable, mass produced long range missile delivery systems has promoted swift and decisive action the world over.
France has agreed to immediately establish a commission to look into the idea of how to best counter the North Korean threat. According to the French Foreign Minister, acting in cooperation with the office of the French President, France is developing a plan of cooperation which will include devising highly punitive actions in the UN which will then be scuttled the day before such actions can actually be implemented. “France will,” in the words of the Foreign Ministry, “do our very best to convince the US and the rest of Europe that we mean business this time, and that we are the natural leaders of Europe. That we intend to crush this annoying little North Korean threat. Gullible nations such as Belgium, Austria, and many others will then follow us like sheep. The day before we are to take decisive action in the UN we will then shockingly neuter all possible real response by accumulating vetoes on the UN Security Council, including Chinese and Russian vetoes. Har! Har! Har! Then everyone will know once again why we in France call diplomacy the ‘true Art of France.’”
Canada too has pledged immediate aid to defend the West from possible North Korean threat by missiles and nuclear weapons. Canada has decided to launch a fleet of tugboats, not less than two, but not more than six, of their most modern tugboats to wherever they may be most needed. The tugboats currently sit in dry-dock awaiting orders on deployment. Said Canada’s Chief of Naval Operations, “We’re serious. You tell us where to go, we’ll get there eventually.”
A consortium of smaller European nations has decided to “worry indefinitely.” Asked by the press if they intended any other action the spokesman for the Green Party which heads this newly formed consortium replied, “Why, yes, we plan to pray to Mother Nature to help us all prevent littering, nuclear weapons, and global warming. Later in the year we also plan a Winter Solstice and Burning Man party and to march for human rights by burning down food factories. After that we all intend to get drunk, get high, turn on, and tune out. Plus, personally, I’m going to marry a goat from a nice Greek herd I’ve been looking at lately. Meeeowwwww!!”
Islamic clerical leaders have decided to do their part, and in a rare show of Islamic unity both Sunni and Shia clerics have called for, “the immediate hanging of Pope Benedict, the expulsion of the United States from all Islamic lands, the eradication of Israel, and for direct one on one talks between the Great Satan Bush and the Little Satan Kim. If we can get them talking seriously then they won’t notice when we quadruple the number of homicide bombings in Baghdad.”
But without a doubt the most decisive and helpful action so far has occurred within the august body of the United Nations. The UN has formed no less than three committees to study the problem. These committees have been assigned to work closely with Syria, which now heads the Human Rights Commission of the UN, with Iran, which now heads the Anti-Terrorism Commission of the UN, and with Cambodia, which now heads the Efforts for International Democratization Office of the UN.
The UN is expected to offer their findings within six months and to then recommend the formation of an international commission which will chair an attempt to create a diplomatic initiative possibly leading to 12, 15 or 25 member talks. The exact number of participants and what could realistically be achieved, if anything, is still a matter for future debate.
However, not every nation agrees that immediate action needs to be considered. Venezuela has decided that the nuclear test by North Korea probably signals that Kim and his top government officials aren’t keeping warm enough during the winter months. Said Hugo Chavez, “It’s very hard to keep warm in the winter if your peasants aren’t working hard enough. So it’s just natural you have to go nuclear just to stay warm. The real problem is Bush and the United States. Bush and the United States are the real sources of every problem in the world. Therefore Venezuela has agreed to sell North Korea Citgo gas and oil at one-tenth the going market rate and to give away gas and heating oil to the poorer members of the North Korean government and military. Then if North Korea ever intends to repay the favor by helping with our future nuclear program I’ll listen. I’ve got big plans for all of South and Central America, and besides, I’m not going anywhere because I’m confident I’m going to be re-elected every single time I allow an election.”
Fidel Castro offered a post-mortem statement which read, in part; “We agree with El Presidente Chavez.”
Top government officials in Mexico, speaking on condition of anonymity told this reporter, “We’re not really concerned about North Korea developing nuclear weapons. Anything anyone can do to stick it to the Gringo, dat’s okay by us. Besides we don’t really have anything valuable enough for anyone to want to blow up. The only way we would ever be in danger is if North Korea gave nuclear weapons to Arab terrorists and those terrorists were trying to sneak those weapons into the US through our country. Then some clumsy Arab terrorist blows himself up prematurely like they do all the time in Palestine. But what are the odds of that happening? … Oh, God!! Somebody get me a phone and a line to Washington! Instante! Instante!!”
Now the world waits to see exactly what can be learned about the situation in North Korea and what can realistically be done about the current state of affairs. It would be awfully embarrassing if the United Sates invaded and liberated North Korea, stopped starvation and tyrannical oppression, gave liberty and equality to the ordinary people of that nation, fed, sheltered, and helped educate the children and offered them a better and brighter future only to discover that North Korea had not yet truly developed viable weapons of mass destruction. Then the whole effort would have been a horrible historical waste.
© Missive News, 2006
Jarod William Graham
For Missive News
Last updated: 7:05 AM
Monday, October 9, 2006
Late last night intelligence officials in Washington were warned by observational satellites and reconnaissance aircraft that it was possible, or even likely, that North Korea had tested and exploded a low-yield nuclear weapon. Such a weapon, if it were indeed nuclear in nature, would pose a grave threat to US security interests around the globe and could potentially threaten traditional US Allies such as Europe, Japan, Taiwan, Australia, and South Korea. In addition should the North Korean regime be able to export such nuclear technology then even North Korea’s traditional allies such as China and Russia could face the threat of nuclear blackmail from a rogue group, a terrorist agent, a potential coup attempt, or even an organized criminal group bent on extortion or financial gain.
Because of these dangerous and dire possibilities even nations normally seen as hostile to the United States or at least extremely competitive towards US interests have begun to unite with Washington for their own good to mobilize against the dark and looming threat of a nuclear North Korea. The idea of a nuclear armed North Korea which in addition has deployable, mass produced long range missile delivery systems has promoted swift and decisive action the world over.
France has agreed to immediately establish a commission to look into the idea of how to best counter the North Korean threat. According to the French Foreign Minister, acting in cooperation with the office of the French President, France is developing a plan of cooperation which will include devising highly punitive actions in the UN which will then be scuttled the day before such actions can actually be implemented. “France will,” in the words of the Foreign Ministry, “do our very best to convince the US and the rest of Europe that we mean business this time, and that we are the natural leaders of Europe. That we intend to crush this annoying little North Korean threat. Gullible nations such as Belgium, Austria, and many others will then follow us like sheep. The day before we are to take decisive action in the UN we will then shockingly neuter all possible real response by accumulating vetoes on the UN Security Council, including Chinese and Russian vetoes. Har! Har! Har! Then everyone will know once again why we in France call diplomacy the ‘true Art of France.’”
Canada too has pledged immediate aid to defend the West from possible North Korean threat by missiles and nuclear weapons. Canada has decided to launch a fleet of tugboats, not less than two, but not more than six, of their most modern tugboats to wherever they may be most needed. The tugboats currently sit in dry-dock awaiting orders on deployment. Said Canada’s Chief of Naval Operations, “We’re serious. You tell us where to go, we’ll get there eventually.”
A consortium of smaller European nations has decided to “worry indefinitely.” Asked by the press if they intended any other action the spokesman for the Green Party which heads this newly formed consortium replied, “Why, yes, we plan to pray to Mother Nature to help us all prevent littering, nuclear weapons, and global warming. Later in the year we also plan a Winter Solstice and Burning Man party and to march for human rights by burning down food factories. After that we all intend to get drunk, get high, turn on, and tune out. Plus, personally, I’m going to marry a goat from a nice Greek herd I’ve been looking at lately. Meeeowwwww!!”
Islamic clerical leaders have decided to do their part, and in a rare show of Islamic unity both Sunni and Shia clerics have called for, “the immediate hanging of Pope Benedict, the expulsion of the United States from all Islamic lands, the eradication of Israel, and for direct one on one talks between the Great Satan Bush and the Little Satan Kim. If we can get them talking seriously then they won’t notice when we quadruple the number of homicide bombings in Baghdad.”
But without a doubt the most decisive and helpful action so far has occurred within the august body of the United Nations. The UN has formed no less than three committees to study the problem. These committees have been assigned to work closely with Syria, which now heads the Human Rights Commission of the UN, with Iran, which now heads the Anti-Terrorism Commission of the UN, and with Cambodia, which now heads the Efforts for International Democratization Office of the UN.
The UN is expected to offer their findings within six months and to then recommend the formation of an international commission which will chair an attempt to create a diplomatic initiative possibly leading to 12, 15 or 25 member talks. The exact number of participants and what could realistically be achieved, if anything, is still a matter for future debate.
However, not every nation agrees that immediate action needs to be considered. Venezuela has decided that the nuclear test by North Korea probably signals that Kim and his top government officials aren’t keeping warm enough during the winter months. Said Hugo Chavez, “It’s very hard to keep warm in the winter if your peasants aren’t working hard enough. So it’s just natural you have to go nuclear just to stay warm. The real problem is Bush and the United States. Bush and the United States are the real sources of every problem in the world. Therefore Venezuela has agreed to sell North Korea Citgo gas and oil at one-tenth the going market rate and to give away gas and heating oil to the poorer members of the North Korean government and military. Then if North Korea ever intends to repay the favor by helping with our future nuclear program I’ll listen. I’ve got big plans for all of South and Central America, and besides, I’m not going anywhere because I’m confident I’m going to be re-elected every single time I allow an election.”
Fidel Castro offered a post-mortem statement which read, in part; “We agree with El Presidente Chavez.”
Top government officials in Mexico, speaking on condition of anonymity told this reporter, “We’re not really concerned about North Korea developing nuclear weapons. Anything anyone can do to stick it to the Gringo, dat’s okay by us. Besides we don’t really have anything valuable enough for anyone to want to blow up. The only way we would ever be in danger is if North Korea gave nuclear weapons to Arab terrorists and those terrorists were trying to sneak those weapons into the US through our country. Then some clumsy Arab terrorist blows himself up prematurely like they do all the time in Palestine. But what are the odds of that happening? … Oh, God!! Somebody get me a phone and a line to Washington! Instante! Instante!!”
Now the world waits to see exactly what can be learned about the situation in North Korea and what can realistically be done about the current state of affairs. It would be awfully embarrassing if the United Sates invaded and liberated North Korea, stopped starvation and tyrannical oppression, gave liberty and equality to the ordinary people of that nation, fed, sheltered, and helped educate the children and offered them a better and brighter future only to discover that North Korea had not yet truly developed viable weapons of mass destruction. Then the whole effort would have been a horrible historical waste.
© Missive News, 2006
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